No Time For Tears Today
by she-with-the-pen
Summary: Though Alice wanted to stay in Underland more than anything, she knew that returning to England was right, responsible, destined. It was impossible to be a woman of both worlds. But did she not believe in impossible things?
1. If That's What You Want

**Note**: This takes place just a few months after the end of the movie. Alice has not been in China for long. Hope you enjoy!

**If That's What You Want**

Alice Kingsleigh awoke just before dawn in a ramshackle hut on the outskirts of Hong Kong. Frantically, she flung the blankets away and dashed for the drawer in her writing desk. It was locked. She had to get to the book, the small blue book with the drawing of the raven on the front. It would remind her of everything she needed to know. It was imperative that she look to the book whenever she had a nightmare, and she had never had a nightmare as unsettling as this.

She had been sitting atop a rotting toadstool, and a burning scroll surrounded her. At the edges of the fiery circle, a bloodhound had snarled, a dead rabbit grasped between its teeth, blood staining the white fur. And a figure with a startlingly white face and wide, wild eyes held still more fire in his palms. There was a look of evil in their all of their eyes, a mad foreignness that she hated, that she had to escape from. She had opened her eyes with just one thought in her head: the key. The key to her writing desk was lying on the ground.

_Stop it Alice, this is silly. Why are you so keen to get into your writing desk at four in the morning?_ But the key had uncovered a memory buried deep inside her mind. A memory of another key, and the miniscule door it unlocked. A memory of promising a friend that she wouldn't forget. The friend had been in her dream. He had held fire, and the sight of him had frightened her. Keep a promise to a dream-character? Why?

She unlocked the drawer anyway, feeling confused, frightened, and needing anything that could give her answers. The little book fell open to the first page, and she saw her own writing.

_Alice, when you were six, you fell down a rabbit hole. You met a dormouse, a hare, a rabbit, a queen, and a mad Hatter. When you were nineteen you came back again. You had forgotten your first visit, but your old friends helped you remember, and become Alice. You slew the Jabberwocky and saved Underland. Then you went home, but you promised the Hatter and_ _the rest of them that you wouldn't forget. Remember your promise. It was __not__ a dream, and all the best people are mad. _

"All the best people are mad," the words of her father. Alice sighed and let her heart slow down. It had been very close this time. Every night since she had come back she had dreamt of Underland, and each time the faces of her companions became stranger, more menacing. It was very hard to remember the place she thought of only in the night, when her days were so full of negotiating and trading. So she had written the book, to remind herself of the journey that had changed her life so radically.

But that wasn't the only reason. She had let her best friend down terribly in leaving, had seen a purely sane sadness in his mad eyes. She couldn't undo that, but she could keep her promise.

_Come on Alice, pull yourself together and do the things you meant to do. Otherwise you left for nothing…._

* * *

On Hong Kong's docks, word had recently been spread of an odd trader. Said trader had come from distant London and traveled all the way to China with visions of the impossible. It was especially noted that this eccentric individual had a fondness for large hats, blue insects, strong tea and despised anything that had to do with dragons. But most surprising of all, this tradesman was in fact a trades_woman._

The reputation and publicity were almost as valuable to Hamish's father as the innovative ideas Alice came up with. In fact, he had traveled all the way to Asia just to see what she was doing now, and what it would mean for the company. He had not told her he was coming, and so knocked on her door without any idea of what to expect.

"Who goes there?" Her voice rang out sharply.

"Alice?" He asked. Recognition touched her eyes when she saw him, and the familiar gleam came back to them

"Well it cannot be Alice, as I am Alice. But I do believe that I already know you."

She jested, but he could see the dark spots beneath her eyes and the tightness around her mouth. Her father had looked just so the last time he had seen him.

"I am so sorry Alice, I should have told you I was coming."

"Not at all, Lord Ascot, you funded my trip."

"Samuel, please."

"Not at all then, Samuel. Would you care to come in?"

"That would be welcome," he said, glancing at the grey clouds overhead.

The two sat down at Alice's simple wooden table, both unsure of what to say. They exhausted the topics of Alice's family, the new roses planted on the Ascot estate, and the company's endeavors fairly quickly. Alice had started to brew her custom mix of tea so that she would not have to face her employer. Looking at him made her feel guilty for some reason that she could not explain.

"Samuel, I'm glad you have come. I think I shall have to halt in my present endeavors; I have not been feeling like myself of late."

"What?" He exclaimed. Even she looked surprised at this sudden proclamation. Who sailed thousands of miles just to stop in their tracks because they weren't feeling right? But Alice had a reason for everything, even if she didn't always tell you. She spoke again.

"Now it is my turn to apologize, but I can not carry on at the moment. There are things I need to take care of. It feels impertinent to ask, but will you let me return to the company afterward?"

How could she explain that coming back to this world had felt noble, responsible, _destined_. It felt as if that was what she was supposed to do, just like she was _supposed _to slay the Jabberwocky. And how could she explain that the decision no longer felt right, it felt more like shutting a door, only to remember that you had left the key on the other side.

"Alice, neither of us would be here if not for you. I understand it can be a bit of a shock, being in such a different environment." He also understood that this was much more than culture shock, but he owed her some privacy.

"I really must be off then, I've got a meeting with the local harbormaster about the fee for letting our ships in, I'll be late. Good luck with…whatever it is. I mean it." And he left with an understanding smile that reminded Alice so much of a certain cat that she had to shut her eyes and refocus her thoughts.

* * *

Lord Ascot could never know how much it meant to Alice that he was letting her take care of "whatever it is." Because, strangely enough, losing this world would be just as heart wrenching as leaving Underland. But panic was setting in. She now had the time to search for a way back in, but how to do it? Was the only way the rabbit hole, which lay across so many miles of stormy ocean? Or was there another way? The White Queen had given her the blood of the Jabberwocky.

"_Will it take me back home?"_ Alice had asked.

"_If that's what you want."_

It was what she had wanted. She had not even considered that she could be a woman of both worlds. It was impossible.

_Come on, you believe in impossible things,__** remember**_._ The blood of the Jabberwocky would take me where I wanted to go, that must have been what the White Queen meant. _

_Alright. Alright, I want to go back to Underland. It's what I want._ She practically ran to her wardrobe, pulling out the old button-down blue dress she had worn the day she fell down the rabbit hole. _Please, Please, Please_ she thought, reaching into a small hidden pocket. The vial had evaporated just as Underland had the second she drank from it, but that was because she hadn't wanted a way back. That was what she told herself anyway._ It can't be this easy Alice, stop it._ But when she reached in, she felt smooth glass. She drew her fingers out, cradling the transparent little container. It was exactly like the one the While Queen had given her. Deep purple liquid sloshed inside it. Without stopping to think, she yanked out the stopper and drank.

The hut dissolved into grey smoke and Alice smiled like a madwoman. But after the few moments, the grey still wasn't resolving into anything. It seemed to grow a bit thinner, and she thought she saw bright green, orange, and shining white. Then the world was as grey as ever, and she felt as if she was moving many miles in the space of a few seconds. She clung to the vial and its precious contents and shut her eyes until she came to a stand-still.

She opened her eyes and looked down at her feet. They rested on a bamboo mat, the same as the one in her hut in China. The vial hadn't taken her anywhere. Not daring to think or feel, Alice looked at the thin tube of glass in her had. It was empty, though a little paper tag now swung from it.

"Underland doesn't need you" was printed in black ink.

And then it was gone, dissolving into the same grey vapor._ I s-s-suppose they're right. Whoever they are. I went when the Red Queen was taking over. I came back just days before the duel was scheduled. I suppose I was only able to get in because they needed me._

She rambled on in this fashion for several minutes, sounding very much like the six year old that had once tumbled down a rabbit hole. But now she was a nineteen-year-old with no way back in. For the rest of the day, she packed up her few possessions, trying to stay numb, safe. And when Alice went to sleep that night, she did not notice the dark figure that snuck in through the window, did not stir as a small book was removed from her writing desk.

**Author's Note**: The coming chapters will have all of our favorite Underland characters, and plenty of Hatter, of course. Comments are always _much_ appreciated. Thank you for reading


	2. Back Before You Know It

**Note: **This chapter skips ahead to one year after the start of the movie, so it's several months after the first chapter. Also, thanks to kakashifangrl1012 and Death By Default for the amazing reviews :)

**Back Before You Know It**

It was the first year anniversary of Gribling, the day Alice returned to Underland, and all was…peaceful. There was nothing to worry about. Iracebeth was safely wandering the Outlands with Stayne chained to her side, and the citizens had returned to their usual mad merry selves under their beloved White Queen. The tea party was going on by the old windmill as always, but something wasn't right.

"Back before you know it, back before you know it! Nunz I said, nunz! But it didn't make a difference! And I know it!" shouted the Hatter while pouring tea into the jam jar.

"Hatter! Do stop making such a mess, you're making Thackery nervous." And indeed, the Hare was muttering to himself, trying to separate the jam and tea with a fork.

Mallymkun the dormouse shook her head, then drew out her needle-sword in alarm as a sugar spoon sailed by.

"Hatter!" But he wasn't listening. His eyes had turned deep orange, his whole face darkening, and he was speaking with the accent of the Farlanders, as he had whenever the Red Queen was mentioned.

"Twas Mindieve when Azure left, the calendar the same…Twas Mindieve…Mindieve…. What's happening tomorrow?"

It was getting harder ever day to snap him out of it when he got into a state. Mallymkun clambered onto the Hatter's shoulder, squeaking insistently. It made no difference whatsoever, so the little mouse grasped the rim of his enormous hat and pulled it down until it covered his eyes. He went still and quiet.

"Better?" she asked.

He nodded, nearly dislodging her, and she pulled the hat up to its proper place.

"There was no need to touch the hat," he said stiffly.

"Yes. There was."

Suddenly she saw a flickering to her left. Just an odd patch of light, a wisp of grey smoke. She waited for Chessur's grinning mouth to appear, but it never did.

"I'll be back in a bit you two; just stay put."

No one was listening. The Hare was attempting to rearrange the chaos on the tea table. The Hatter was silently fussing with his hat, but much too absorbed, quiet, not at all his usual self. Mallymkun sighed and started the long (for her) trek to the White Palace. She had not the slightest idea what the "calendar" the Hatter had mentioned was, though it sounded faintly familiar. Nor did she know what azure referred to, or why strange wisps of grey should appear in the clearing. Still, it would be a good idea to visit the Queen and see what was happening the next day.

* * *

Bayard the bloodhound walked along White Road, wagging his tail absent-mindedly and trying to enjoy the happiness permeating Underland. Over by a pond some young nobles were making daisy chains. Their parents strolled through the gardens, admiring the flowering trees, and servants bustled about, putting up decorations for the Frabjous Day Celebration. But Bayard could not be so at ease. Alice had saved his world, lived up to her destiny. Her fire had been just what was needed for revolution, but all those who had crossed paths with her were now left to deal with the blaze.

Bayard could hardly make sense of his thoughts, but he was convinced he was right. The girl had had just the right amount of insanity and sense. Now she was gone, and none of her former companions had that combination. He didn't know what that meant for Underland, but he knew it wasn't good for the Queen, himself, or the Hatter.

Bayard saw movement out of the corner of his eye and glanced down.

"Hello, Mallymkun," he said dully.

"Bayard, if you are going to the White Palace, as I know you must be, a ride would be much appreciated." The dormouse was even brusquer than usual in her exertion, but Bayard just grinned and allowed her to scramble up his leg.

"Gribling again already," he sighed. He glanced backward at his passenger. "Do _you_ miss her, Mallymkun?"

It was so hard to tell with the outspoken little creature. She made it known if she was unhappy with you, but affection and grief, those were harder to tell. Finally she answered him.

"Everything changed when that girl came here, and now that she's gone, nothing is the same."

"I suppose you're right."

* * *

Mirana of Marmoreal, Queen of Underland, sat by a window and stared broodily at the perfect setting outside. Idly, she pictured herself in a long, frayed black dress. Her train would fly back in the wind, her hair shining starkly against the darkness. Storm clouds would gather round her, and she would be a part of that deep power and beauty.

_No._

_Mirana. Lightness, kindness. Don't go looking for more. You have what you need._

But did she? And maybe she had what _she_ needed, but what about what Underland needed? When she was eighteen, she had been crowned queen. Her parents had left her a prosperous realm, and for two years all had been well. Of course Iracebeth had ruined everything, and she had been powerless to stop it. That was over now. Things were right again, no thanks to her. Alice Kingsleigh had put her back on her thrown, but Underland was not the prosperous place it had been. _I don't have what it takes to put this place back together again _she thought, _I just don't have it._

"Milady."

Her broad, dark lips curved up into a smile despite her mood.

"Bayard, Mallymkun. What are you two doing here?"

"Majesty, I was wondering if you had consulted the Oraculum today," said the mouse.

The queen's colorless face darkened.

"_Why_ would you ask that! What have you heard?"

Bayard stepped in between the two, afraid of the consequences of Mallymkun's quick temper.

"Milady, we were only curious as to what was predicted. There haven't been any public reports in such a long time."

"I…I haven't told anyone. I don't know what to do," Mirana whispered.

"What do you mean? My Lady, if you need help with something, I'm always obliged to—"

"Thank you Bayard, you have always been faithful. I… I will show you," conceded the queen. "But this can't leave the room."

Mirana swept out the door and Bayard and Mallymkun looked at each other in confusion.

"And things were going so well," Bayard muttered. Mallymkun only frowned, fingering her needle-sword. They both jumped when a door shut behind them and Mirana shuffled back in. She was clutching the old yellow scroll to her chest.

"It's been like this for weeks," she whispered, looking over her shoulder for eavesdroppers. Then she rolled the Oraculum out across the table.

The queen and the bloodhound locked gazes.

"Mirana…"

**Author's Note:** So the plot's out of the bag now! Thanks for reading! (and reviews are always appreciated, if you have the time :)


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